In preterm and high-risk birth it is common and normal to feel fear and uncertainty for your baby and for yourself—you may wonder how your baby’s birth will unfold and what it will be like on the other side. You may feel anticipatory loss or anxiety about a birth plan gone in a new direction or for an unexpected postpartum hardship when you learn that your newborn will require a NICU stay. You may have weeks, days, or only hours between learning of your new path and meeting your baby.
Positive affirmations can help support you in your journey as an opportunity to identify and reframe scary or worrisome thoughts and feelings in order to empower how you think, feel, and take action for your family at every step along your path as you move through it.
Birth affirmations are often framed for normal, term birth, which is why I’m excited to offer an original set of 21 empowering affirmations curated specifically for preterm and high-risk birth—including a version for parents expecting multiples—that you can print to hang, as well as another set for your NICU journey (coming soon)!
The birth affirmation set includes phrases like: I am proud of the choices I have made for us so far. This may be difficult, and I can do it. We have the right team at our side. I am here right now. My intuition guides our journey. My body and my baby/babies know. My baby/babies will be born and I am the best parent for them. We can do this together. I have a say in what happens here. My baby/babies will be born safely. Each affirmation is enclosed in a circle, easy for printing on 8.5x11 paper, with directions and suggestions for display.
You can jump straight to the affirmations printable at the bottom of this page, or read on for encouraging words on how to create a personalized set of affirmations from Cristina Evans, birth doula and fourth trimester guru!
Jacqueline:
I’m happy to introduce Cristina Evans, DONA trained birth doula. She teaches virtual birth affirmation workshops among many talents in the birth and postpartum realm, and helps parents just like you find their strength and voice as they approach meeting their baby and embarking on the fourth trimester. Cristina is going to share a little about herself and then walk you through the process of creating your own set of birth affirmations.
Cristina:
Thanks Jacqueline! I’m so excited to speak with you about affirmations! I’ve been a birth doula here in Richmond off and on since 2012. In addition to supporting births, I offer the affirmations workshops you mentioned, and postpartum prep sessions. I was drawn to this field of work out of a desire to help empower birthing folks to feel like more active participants in their pregnancy experience.
As a mother and a doula, I am often on the giving end of encouraging words. I truly believe that when we feel heard, supported, and that we have a voice, we not only think more positively about birth (even if it doesn't go according to "plan"), but also often enter parenthood with more confidence. It doesn’t matter where you are in your pregnancy or what kind of birth you want, now is the perfect time to create the web of support that you will need throughout this transitional time in your life.
Affirmations are words of encouragement that we can offer to others or ourselves. They focus on positive outcomes and are generally relevant to something that we are thinking about, worrying over, or currently experiencing. They act as a direct countermeasure to the negative thoughts that enter our minds.
The connection between positive thinking and the body is so important and strong during pregnancy, childbirth, and even postpartum. We are at our most open and vulnerable during this time, so it stands to reason that the thoughts that we and others introduce to our psyche can have a lasting effect.
For parents who are facing unexpected and possibly difficult situations in pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum, it can be really easy to go down the path of “what ifs.” Reframing the way that we look at birth and the time surrounding it, is one of the best gifts that we can give ourselves. And I actually love them for postpartum as well. I find that they can be especially important for those facing tough parenting journeys. They empower you to change the narrative. The idea is that you are focusing on your strengths and the outcomes that you desire instead of worries, negative possibilities, or the words of others.
Jacqueline:
Absolutely. I remember when I was on week 4 of bedrest with my daughter who was born two weeks later at 25 weeks gestation. I was living in a hospital at the time and a friend came one night to visit with a beautiful set of birth affirmations she had printed out for me— This baby WILL come out of my vagina! (laughs)… and we cut them out and strung them to hang at my bedside.
At the time I had no idea when my baby would be born or if she would live, and I was scared. I threw out a lot of the cards because they weren’t quite right for me at 21 weeks pregnant with a funneling cervix—we hadn’t even reached viability yet—and even the ones I kept didn’t really capture what I needed to hear as I looked forward to try to imagine what was upcoming for us, as far as bedrest or what her birth was going to be like. I was absolutely distraught living in the hospital and separated from my family and preschool-aged boys and really had no concept for what a micropreemie would look like or how she would fare once she was born.
I wish I had known or thought to create my own affirmations—it would have been such a comfort! I love birth affirmations for their magical route to clarity in our feelings, and the way the process can help us to identify the root of our pain points, and remind us of our own power and what is ours to control or not. And THEN the really profound opportunity to put our intentions out into the world—in our own words, and on display for anyone who enters our space to know this about us—if we choose to share them.
Cristina:
Oh gosh, yes you’re absolutely right. There really isn’t much in the way of easy to find affirmations for people who were facing what you were facing at that time. Pregnancy and the time surrounding it can elicit so many feelings—some of which are more hard to understand than others. It’s so important to find ways to express yourself during those hard moments. I truly believe that affirmations are more than magical thinking. They can be therapeutic and help you process what you may be experiencing. This is one of the reasons that I love hosting affirmation workshops! I like to think that people leave with a little more clarity that they may have come in with. It’s also pretty amazing to feel the energy shift in the room from start to finish.
My workshops are half discussion, half art class, and always fun! I love how easy everyone is able to connect in these spaces. When Covid hit I canceled upcoming workshops and was unsure about how it would be to do them virtually—there’s just something about that shared energy in the room—but it turns out, they’re pretty great and no less needed now! I can reach families beyond Richmond now too, which is very cool. For folks who can’t make a class, I also offer banner making kits that I ship straight to families!
I love the idea of not only creating your own affirmations but also incorporating ones that speak to you. I'm so excited about the ones you have created and it’s great that you can use them independently or blend them into your own.
How to Create Your Own Affirmations
STEP 1: Gather your supplies.
Some folks prefer to keep it simple with post it notes or index cards. You may decide you want something a little more, if so, you can find affirmation banner making kits available for sale or you can make your own. If you go want to take the DIY route, you may actually already have some things on hand.
- Sturdy fabric or cardstock cut or sewn into squares, rectangles, or (upside down) triangles
- Markers, paint, crayons, and/or colored pencils
- String or yarn for hanging
STEP 2: Choose affirmations that speak to you.
The idea is that you are focusing on your strengths and the outcomes that you desire instead of worries, negative possibilities, words of others, etc. Your concerns essentially become the antithesis of your affirmation. These are personal so include words such as “I am” and “my.” Since we are repatterning current thought patterns, keep them in the present tense and include positive language that elicits positive emotions. They should also be short and easy to remember and repeat to yourself.
Jacqueline:
An example could be experiencing the true devastation of giving birth to a baby very preterm. Every parent wants the best for their kids and many birthing parents feel a lot of guilt about letting their baby down or about letting go in a birth scenario when you really aren’t ready to release your baby into the unknown. A birth affirmation like: Every contraction brings me closer to meeting my baby, and to the next part of our journey together reframes what may feel out of control into a pivotal moment where we can acknowledge that this experience will inform the next part of our work together, and it reminds us that we are in this with our babies no matter what.
Cristina: I love the way you reframed that one.
STEP 3: Get creative.
Decorate each flag (your fabric or cardstock) with its own affirmation. You can keep it as simple or elaborate as you like, just as long as the affirmation itself is the main focus. Once you’ve finished creating them, string them together by punching holes near the top two corners and running your string through until you have reached the desired length.
STEP 4: Put your affirmations on display.
During pregnancy hang them in a place where you can see them often. Take time to sit with the thoughts you are seeing in writing. Repeat them to yourself often. Put them on post it notes or index cards and hang them for easy reference. You can also hang your affirmations in your birth space or your baby’s NICU room. It will serve as a wonderful reminder for yourself and also help shift the energy of others that may enter that space. Eventually you will repattern your thoughts and it won’t take as much effort.
STEP 5: Share them!
Share some of your favorites with the people who may be taking care of you and your baby. This will not only ensure that they are helping you keep a positive mindset, but may also help them repattern the way they interact with others.
Jacqueline:
Thank you so much Cristina for sharing your process with us, I know this tutorial will be so helpful to parents facing the unexpected!
Cristina:
Thank YOU and I hope so too! I’ll leave your readers with words I often tell my clients during our time together. You don’t need to know everything right now. You will learn it. You’ll adapt. Circumstances and your baby will change and you’ll learn and adapt again. This is parenthood. You’ll never know all there is to know, but you will learn and grow together and it will be beautiful because it’s yours.
More about Cristina Evans, Birth Doula
Cristina Evans is a DONA trained Birth Doula at Blooming Birth RVA. She offers virtual Birth Affirmation workshops, Birth Affirmation Banner Kits, and Fourth Trimester Workshops. You can find her on Instagram at @bloomingbirthrva and Facebook